My girl is three years older; she wants marriage when I’m not yet ready

I’m in a relationship with a lady who is three years my senior and a graduate while I am an apprentice; I’m 27 years by age. I love her so much I call her Obioma, (my happiness). Right now we are having problems because she wants to get married by next year while I am thinking of getting married in 3 years’ time. What do you think I should do to keep this lady because I don’t want to lose her. Please help. – Tony from Owerri.

Dear Tony, I understand the reasons you may not want to marry now and I understand why she wants it today if possible. She’s at that age when relatives, friends and all those who are close to her would expect that she should be settled in marriage. After all, she’s through with university education and she’s ripe for marriage at 30. As for you, you’re still learning a vocation and may not be financially ready for the demands of marriage. If you’re a man of dignity, you will think twice before depending of your wife for sustenance.  Both of you are at a crossroad. Since you love her so much and wouldn’t want to lose her, you may meet midway. Asking her to wait for the next three years will be too much but if she has a job and really desirous of marriage now she can loan you some money for a low key marriage. Go and pay her dowry if that will make her happy. However, she might want more than just her dowry being paid. She might want to move in as your wife and become properly married. That is where you may have problems if you don’t have a house of your own. If she can also loan you some tidy amount for a small apartment, you may go ahead and marry properly. Mind you, make it clear from the beginning that if you demand any assistance for her now, it is because you don’t want to lose her. She shouldn’t try to become a boss over you and she should take you as you are. Let her know that you wouldn’t want her to complain if you’re not able to act as a man until you finish your vocation. Preach to her the virtues of patience in such a situation. If however she cannot provide for the things she’s asking you to do now, let her know you love her, but you cannot give what you don’t have.